How To Be A Good Listener

Updated: May 29, 2021

When you listen you gain wisdom. When you listen, you are able to help someone. Instead of talking all the time, taking time to listen to what others have to say might actually be useful to you. Listening is a sincere form of respect; but when you try to shut a person down and tell him/her instead, it's rude behavior. Listening to others matters a great deal. If you keep eye contact with the person who is speaking, then you won't be distracted or have the urge to talk in between. Give the other person a chance to talk. Ask yourself "Do you really know it all? Can i just be quiet this once and let the other person talk and hear him/her quietly?" Do you have it in you to sit and be attentive to others or do you get distracted easily when someone else is doing the talking? How many times have you told "Listen to me!" or how many times have you been told "Pay attention to me, I am talking!". Some won't say it. When there is one person in the room, who is talking, then talk about the subject on hand, instead of straying away from it. Don't dismiss the topic as silly and think your conversation is better or interesting; that's when a simple conversation ends up being a debate. Just be a good listener. Observe and listen, you have much to gain, by listening. Listening is a creative force, it can help you in your career and it can help you make friends. You are more attracted to people who tend to listen to you, not people who "tell you what to do". Listening helps you change the way you think. For successful communication listening is very important. Most people do not listen with the intent to understand, that makes listening very difficult because you don't gain any wisdom when you listen in this case. You forget what you have heard. Friends are those rare people who listen to you, who understand you, who don't judge you. Just don't do all the talking, learn to listen. When you are listening, you have to totally pay attention, otherwise you will miss out on a lot of details. Listen before speaking, there are some subjects you give way too much importance. Try not to speak about those topics. Whenever you have the urge to speak about a unnecessary topic, just take a deep breathe, and listen. Every single word matters. You have to make a proper effort to be a good listener. Every time you feel the urge to make a comment, stop your self. Save the questions for the last. Understand the whole thing first. Prepare yourself before hand, think how rude you would feel, when you are talking about something important and someone keeps disturbing in between. Thing of all the people who did pay proper attention to every word you spoke. Now it's your turn to be attentive. So listen, carefully. Let them share their wisdom. You learn from them. Remember it feels nice to be heard; so give that respect.

Doesn't matter if you don't interrupt, but when someone is talking and you don't give the due respect and attention and you do things like looking around the room, glancing at the watch/phone, not focussing, yawning, having a bored expression, these are signs of distraction and that is extremely rude. You have to show the other person that his conversation is interesting and you are not all distracted. You cannot be thinking about something else, or just listening to the conversation to get into a debate. Hear what the other person has to say with a positive response without acknowledging your debatable words. You don't have to be on the top all the time, you can understand and learn something.

But if someone does talk never say things like "Was I talking to you?" That really feels like a stinging slap on your face. You feel small, unimportant, ignored, and inconsequential. Their inability or unwillingness to really hear you leaves you totally confused, because you were not trying to make anyone angry. Unfortunately, some people are good talkers, they are not good listeners. For them listening to others is almost like having to obey orders, which they hate. You are invading their space,; so it's safe to say that in many cases being a good listener is becoming very rare. Few listen.

Sometimes it's alright to listen,to allow that space to the other person, in the conversation, it won't make you small. YOu don't always have to have the last word. You decided when someone is talking if a verbal response is necessary or can you give the speaker a space of silence either out of respect or because the speaker isn't comfortable with your question outbursts. Think before you speak. Sometimes remaining silent is beneficial. Some speakers feel they have so much to offer and your excited outburst disturb their thought process and angers them. You have to think of them too. So control your urge to speak and listen. Listening is always good for you.

Some topics are so interesting that It becomes really uncomfortable to sit in silence and just listen. You might not be looking for a debate, just trying to clear your doubt, but the speaker might not think the same way you do. So think before you speak. Think, look, see and judge the speakers temperament, so you don't get any snide remarks for interrupting him/her. Not many people really are interested in your opinion, what they say goes. So open your mouth only where it's necessary. When you do, keep it short, but make sure you clear your doubts, don't always get into a zone of discomfort. If the conversation is not two sided a silent space will develop which will make you lose your attention. You won't think or listen properly. You will drift away from the topic of discussion.

Open-ended questions are a brilliant way to be a good listener. It invites deeper insight and there is a communication which takes the shape of a discussion between the participants and makes you a better listener. The speaker could simply ask questions after the end of his speech, which allows the other person to interact and become a better listener and they end up paying better attention and find the topic interesting.

Becoming a good listener is a skill you must practice.Being a good listener is a good attitude. Even friendships develop because you show genuine concern and willingness to listen. Listening shows you understand, it shows you care. It shows you love. it shows yur priority. In this world where there are so many distractions taking time-off and being there to listen to someone you care is so important.

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