Updated: Sep 14, 2019
Is bullying bodily harm or intimidating? Bullying is defined as mean, hurtful behavior that occurs repeatedly where one person has to repeatedly fear another person or group of persons. In this case I am talking about school bullying. It can be either be verbal/name calling or physical bullying. Verbal bullying refers to cruel words spoken and also involves name-calling, threatening, and making disrespectful comments about someone's physical attributes, dressing style etc. Being ganged up on, being ridiculed, finding faults are all forms of bullying. This can happen for so many reasons. How to help your child through the difficult period, how to tell him/her that he has you to trust will be very difficult when he is being constantly emotionally put down.
Your child needs to respect everyone but he does not need to undermine himself or his confidence while doing so. Teach your child to be firm but without losing his cool, he too has the right to defend himself. He can say things like "That was not really a nice thing to say about me." "Leave me alone," or "Back off." Tell your child not to interfere in other children's fights. Tell him, "you can only know that the boy is making faces at you if you look at him; so you don't look at him". Try to give your child confidence without breaking his confidence. Ask him to stay in different corners of the class or to not stand behind him in a queue or at lunch break or near the water fountain. Keep a constant communication open between you and your child. But if your child does not stop complaining about his bullying, then he should immediately notify the teacher. The first notification about his bullying should come directly from him to his teacher. Wait to hear the teachers's suggestion. Anybody can be respected only so much. Communicate constantly with your child, don't let him be sad or anxious. If she has nightmares or pretends to have tummy pains and makes excuses to not go to school then you know the signs.
Although schools are doing more to deal with bullying parents are still the key to empowering kids to prevent and stop it. All the states, especially Connecticut has very Strict Anti-Bullying laws & policies.
Any kind of abusive or harmful words used which has harmful effects on another child is considered bullying. Many kids avoid reporting their bullies because then they are labeled as someone who "tells" on their classmates, so they simply they don't want to to be looked down on other students and on top of it they are scared to complain because they might just be complaining about their teachers favorite student. This might get them in further problem. But Bullying cannot be a rite of passage in our nation's schools, says Assistant Attorney General for the Civil Rights Division Thomas E. Perez at the NSBA Council of School Attorneys.
Agreed most of the time it is difficult for the teacher to not notice what is happening and kids generally like to call names when the teacher is not looking. Even after repeated complaints the school is not able to take care of the problem then I think the best thing would be for the parents of the concerned kids to have a meeting and sort out the mess. As much as the school might not like to use the word "Bullying" Connecticut law states that causing emotional damage or fear or creating a hostile environment for another child is also called bullying.
So please don't think that you should just ignore or don't tell your child to simply ignore kids who call them names like "Stupid, idiot, Nasty, fat, drunk" etc. or say things about his/her parents or try to intimidate other kids from playing with him/her are not bullies? When will this stop? Why should these words be used in the first place? Why so much mean behavior; you don't like someone then ignore him; what makes you think your freedom of speech includes hurting other kids? Somebody needs to tell you the right thing. You have been misinformed. You are a free man; good for you. You can think the way you want too; even better. But do not bully my child. being mean to my child is certainly off limits; you better get that straight! Everybody needs to inform the bullies about this. They didn't get this notice. They think bullying is their birth right.
So what exactly is the solution? Whose fault is this? Who is not doing things properly? There is only one thing we as parents can do " Teach your child how to deal with bullies".
Learn how to spot the problems how you personally can protect your child. One boy flicks another child on his face, or kick him or shoves him just because he wants to have fun. This needs to stop immediately. They name call, tell them "Your mom is a 89 years old blind woman who can't walk", Asking other kids to shut up and not talk to him or exclude him from games. Why because he doesn't like this guy. The teachers explain to the class what the right behavior should be in class and how everyone should at least try to be cordial with one another; but does this happen. For a day or two, yes but more than that he just refuses to be nice. Nobody is asking him to play nice but please just stop with the rude behavior; but he won't stop or rather he can't stop.
It's every child's right to feel safe at school. He has the right to feel like he wants to go there. He likes his school, his teacher and other students and has no problems with his homework or studies but this one particular child's behavior sets him off so badly it just started making him upset.
Changing schools, or running away from the problem is not the solution. Try to get your child as much help as possible. Don't be afraid to work with the school to help your child learn behaviors that are constructive, which could help him deal with these kind of behaviors. Try and speak with anyone at school who is willing to help your child. Start with your child's teacher and then meet with the principal, the school greeter, the school's office assistant, the school social worker, or district staff to come up with a plan to help your child stop bullying. Ask if counseling or other community resources are available to help your child. Stay in close touch with the school to see if your child's behavior improves.
Help build your child's skills for resolving such conflicts; help him build his confidence. Tell him why people love him, tell him the good qualities about him and teach him how to handle tough situations. If he is very young when he is being bullied, then chances are he will probably meet kids like this and just need to be very strong. Social skills include he should have confidence in himself and emotional security and learning includes making him understand that he does not need to resort to name calling or he isn't even a coward just because he chooses to walk away from situations. In fact he needs to manage himself, with great responsibility and trust his decision-making. He needs to remove himself from that frustrating situation and immediately do some other activity that will ease his mind. That confidence can be given only by you. If he starts crying and getting depressed then chances are it's going to have some effect on his health. To put a immediate stop to this behavior and to protect your child from the lasting effects of bad behavior parents and school need to intervene immediately and try to nip this thing in the bud. Don't just ignore and say it will pass. No kids like this will not stop. They enjoy this kind of behavior. They enjoy taunting other kids. If you feel they are going to become some sort of angels and your child and he are going to be good friends then that is you day-dreaming.
Although schools are trying a lot more to help students, sometimes it is just not enough, Asking the kid who has been bullied to come into the principal's room and making him sit there to protect him from the other child, while the bully sits in the class with his class mates makes the child feel like he did something wrong by complaining. Next time he won't try to ask for help. Sometimes role-play helps. Ask your child if he was the parent and you were the child and someone was bullying you how would he react? Their level of responsibility understanding would be surprising. It's always healthy to have such friendly conversations about bullying with your children and get their opinion too.
Parents, teachers and social workers have been working with school kids over the past few years to stop bullying. Kids are encouraged to speak up about having any troubles at school with their teachers, social workers, teacher leaders, principal's and positive solutions are discovered instead of being dismissed. Children are being educated about bullying and they are being given the courage to speak up about bullying.
Talk as much as possible and put a stop to bullying. Get all the help you can to stop bullying. Your child deserves a happy, stress free life. Children are scared that the no one would believe them. Especially that the bully would lie and turn things on them. But this nightmare needs to end. Parents need to stand up for their child and take help and advice from the people they can trust.
Bullies need to be told "Hey just because you feel like a free man and you get off abusing other kids, doesn't mean you have the right to abuse my child. My child is off limits". Make this very specific. Ask the school if the bully's parents are even aware of his activities. What's going on at his house is not your headache. Your concern is your child. The problems your child is facing because this boy enjoys putting others down. He enjoys calling others names and let's face it from 8:30 am to 3:30 pm your child is in front of his teacher. So the teacher needs to lookout for all that is happening in the class. Not pretend or avoid these things. If she sees these things happening it needs to be controlled immediately. If a bully continues to still bully your child even after being reprimanded then he has no respect for authority. He as an attitude of superiority. Well he needs to keep it at home or take it out in front of his parents. We have seen one too many incidents happening.
If you remain quiet then these bullies will take things quiet far. they won't stop. Stand up for yourself and ask for help. Parents ask the school for help. If you feel your child is not getting help from school then see from where else you can get help. But reach out for help.
If you don't feel you are getting help from the school or that the school is making you feel like you are over reacting, then you need to understand for yourself how much you feel that you are over reacting. Get external help such as counseling . Don't let bias from others make you quiet down. It's not fair to you or your child. Sometimes you just realize that maybe changing schools is the only solutions.
Save all documents and emails etc and all the communications you have had with the school.
Join all bullying awareness face book groups. You will get a lot of support and know how to go about helping your child. Ask a lot of questions.
Here are some reference materials: